Life has so many surprises to offer.
The greatest gift that God has gave me is you.
You happened to me unexpectedly.
Until now you are undoubtedly the best part of my life.
You make my days shine brighter make me smile a bit more wider each day.
Every moment I spend with you is magical and special and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
You brought upon so many changes in my life, if there is anything that you have done for me or gave me.
It is the fact that you have made me who I am today, a better person as a whole.
Being with you has taught me many different things and I still continue to learn every moment I'm with you.
Sadly I cannot say the same for us. So much has changed between us from then and now.
I still want you to be the one to put me to sleep at night. The person that holds me in his arms and tell me that everything's alright. The man lying next to me when I wake up in the morning. The one that I can call mine.
I thought you were the one, I wanted you to be the one.
I wished for something good but I did not get what I wanted.
God gave me something better, someone better - you.
Right now I could not wish for anything more than to be yours and only yours.
You have made my life better in more ways than you can imagine.
Please promise me this, I want to hear this from you.
Promise that you'll always be there and that you'll never leave my side baby.
I'm still waiting for that. And when all that's done, forever yours I'll be.
I miss you baby. Most of all, I miss us.

Thinking of life without you just isn't easy. Knowing that what we have will never last as true as it might be. You've been too much a part of my life and a part of me for me to start living each day on my own without you now. I've tried and I am still trying to be independent, to be the strong girl I used to be. As each day goes by, the next day still isn't any easier for me to get by. Getting on with my life just does not make sense without you, when you're no longer there to wake me up in the morning and put me to sleep at night. Your voice just reassures me that tomorrow will always be better and there will be more things to look forward to. The scent of you just puts me at ease in your arms when you hold me to sleep, or even just having you hold me. Whether or not you know it, you are the reason that I finally believe in happily ever afters, you are the one that gives meaning to my life and most of all you make everyday more worthwhile. Every morning I wake up longing to hear your voice again, wondering if it will be the last time. Whenever I'm in your arms I feel happy but I can't help my tears from falling worrying that I'll never be in your arms again. You are not what I've always hoped for but I realize that you are what I need and who I want by my side always and forever. I also want to be there for you, to make you a better person, be there for you when you need someone and care for you. Remembering all the things we talked about, all the plans we had that will never come true I feel another tear rolling down my face. How is it so easy for you to disregard everything we had and still have, going on with your life as though you have felt nothing between us when there's clearly something worth fighting for, working for and striving for. No one ever said it would be easy, and I can't guarantee that the future is clear for us. One thing I do know is I will and have already given my heart, my soul and myself to you wholeheartedly. I would undoubtedly put my life in your hands and wait for you to turn it into our lives, our future. The thought of not being with you, no longer having you in my life in the future is just unbearable. Willingly I put aside everything I have and everything I want just to give us a shot at this. Unfortunately for me you are not ready for that. Your past may have made you who you are today but there's nothing that says you can't change the future you. Not trying to blame you for all of this, I understand that it must not be easy but who can guarantee that anything in life is easy. If you give up even before you try, then how would you know how bad or even how good it may turn out to be. It may have been my fault for loving you too much when I shouldn't have. As hard as it is for me to go through with my life now I would never change anything that we have. I always thought that you were 'the one' that I'd spend the rest of my life with. The first and the last man that I will truly love. However, you pushed my love aside and buried the feelings you have deep inside. It does hurt and it is painful I will not lie; to give your all to a man and not have it given back or even appreciated. My love for you will not just die like that, it is enduring and everlasting I can promise you this if you would just listen to me and give us a chance at life together. Right now, I just would not know what to do if the day for you to walk away were to ever come.

Dear diary,

Today I finally realized that I've fell in love for the first time after a lengthy hiatus from crazy love rides. My head flooded with thoughts going a million miles an hour driving me up the wall and I certainly don't know where to begin.

Minutes pass me by..

Dear diary,

This time I've fallen in love for the first time after a lengthy hiatus from crazy love roller coasters and all the pain and hurting I've gone through.
Everything that happened was just so unexpected. It all started with just a phone call on a boring night. Which soon led to exchanging of flirtatious gestures and body language.

I've learned so much about this man within a few months and am still learning to understand him better. I was fascinated by his ability to tolerate my unreasonable-ness & tantrums and his easy-going personality. I can't say it was love at first sight, I still remember the first day we met - we loathed the sight of one another. However, feelings gradually developed after exchanging countless text messages and many late night conversations on the phone. To cut the story short, little did I realize I was slowly but surely falling madly in LOVE with him. In fact, I would proudly announce to the world that he's my man of the moment (if I could).

Every choice we make in life is influenced by a certain force, whether it's our own willpower, commitment, obligations, drive of emotions or plain instinct. Just like the scientific law, every action has an equal reaction, every choice we make will lead us to yet another path in life. But this chemistry that boils aggressively within our souls as we speak isn't exactly scientific. It is natural. In fact, no science or man made logic could come close to describing what it is that boldly shakes the world of our inner emotions. Only HIM - GOD knows, as he is the source of all existence and most of all, LOVE. To love someone is the greatest form of gift in this world. Best of all is to be loved in return, which will eventually sip in naturally (I hope). I've reached the stage where I love and hopefully one day be loved in return by this same man. It's the most remarkable feeling and highest magnitude of happiness I could ever wish for. It is YOU, baby, you.

Baby I know it's been a rough time for both of us and I hope that we strive to do our best at preserving this love that comes once (or maybe twice) in a lifetime. We can work things out and overcome whatever situation is facing us right now and whatever that comes with the future. I treasure it, US too much to the point where I wish it to be as perfect as possible - certainly does not do the slightest good to any of us. The pain is crucial when it gets tough, but don't start giving up on me and on us, hang on to me baby please don't let me fall as I will always be holding on to you, making sure you never fall. You may not notice this, but I am learning and definitely still growing to become a better girlfriend and person in this relationship with you. To enable the completion of the word "love" requires both you & I to grow hand in hand. Thus, let new discoveries become recognizable, and soon be familiarized. I'm new to this whole feeling that I feel right now. Letting my guard down is NOT me, it takes a lot to do so baby as it has never been me to do that. I've been independent and I can stand on my own if I want to, but no, I found you and I know for a fact that I desire to stay with you through thick and thin, and be by your side regardless of right or wrong. Despite all the continuous fights and conflicts we have, plus the recent arguments not forgetting the contentious conversation we had lately, I love u still and more.

I long for your touch and love each day, waking up every morning and seeing your smile. Having the urge to hear your voice, even if it's just a simple "Good Morning" or "Good Night". It's amazing how much you've shown me and how much I've changed. I've learned and grown by being together with you. Thank you darling for coming into my life, you're by far the best thing that's happened besides my family & my babes.

ps, I love you and I will always be by your side.

Finally back in KL, but only for 2 nights.
Sitting for my Moral Studies paper on Saturday then heading home.
Really need time away from home, especially him.
Right now I want to be alone, not because I don't want to be with you but the more that I'm with you the more I don't want to be without you.
I'm just a mess of insecurities right now. Why do I have to try and be smart and analyze the whole situation?
All I want.. All I need is for you to feel the same way I feel about you.
The rest is history baby.
Can it be just you & me?